Was it planned?

by Monday, August 11, 2014

So I was chatting with my best friend’s husband Nihal, and he told me an amazing realization that the two of them stumbled upon while talking one day in the course of their relationship.

To give you a little bit of history first – my best friend Menka, and her husband Nihal, have both been living in Hong Kong for a very long time. Menka pretty much grew up there, Nihal moved over a decade ago I think and has made it his home. And the funny thing is, the Indian community in Hong Kong isn’t really that big, so the chances of you knowing someone through someone and meeting the same people at the same bars or clubs or parties or social dos are pretty high. However, in their case, it didn’t happen. When they did finally meet though, I would say it was a whirlwind romance. One day in December I’m chatting with Menka and she’s telling me about this guy she just met – next thing I know, they’re getting engaged – and then married within that 1st year of meeting! And in the beginning I was like woahhhhhhhh, aren’t you moving too fast? I was skeptical for her. But she said – we both thought that! Nihal and I both wondered, is this too fast? Are we rushing into it? But then it didn’t feel weird, or unnatural, we just both knew that this is it. We had found the person worth suffering for.

So a year after that first phone conversation in which she told me about meeting ‘this guy’, I was on a flight to Langkawi to attend my best friend’s wedding. And let me tell you, it was one of the most exhilarating and overwhelming experiences I’ve ever had…

The way they both would look at each other… the cute way in which he shooed his friends away “guys move, I can’t wait to marry this woman!”… the way she asked him to serenade her before lifting the dupatta to show him her face… the way he got down on his knees and sang to her… the love being showered on them from all the family and friends who had come together to celebrate them… it was four blissful days… all smiles… all laughter… all music.. singing.. dancing… and celebrating the love. 🙂 Just beautiful. I remember looking at them and thinking “so it is possible”. They made me believe.

But this post isn’t about all of that. It’s about what he told me later during one of our chats.

He’s like, you know, for SEVEN YEARS….. seven years, Menka and I hung out in the same neighborhood, and almost every other day visited the SAME two bars that are on opposite sides of the street from each other… and we even had common friends the entire time… but we never once met each other! In all those seven years!

I was pretty amazed. I asked him – are you serious? It never happened? He’s like nope. And it’s shocking.

But now when they look back, they realize why that happened.

Because they both had to go through all the relationships and lessons that they needed to go through, to be ready for each other. So that when they finally did meet, they were at least for the most part, ready for each other. Of course, they still had a few share of lessons they needed to learn through each other, but that’s where growing together happened.

This entire conversation made me remember a quote from one of Paulo Coelho’s books –

“Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.

Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes direction.”

― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes


It all makes sense.

Two people may have been around each other in the same city, getting coffee from the same coffee shop everyday, or hanging out in the same neighborhood, maybe working in the same office or going to the same university, and never have met each other until the time was right. And sometimes they may have even met or been introduced but moved on to their own separate lives, before meeting again a few years later and seeing each other in a different way or paying more attention and really getting to know the person this time around, only to find themselves saying one day “why didn’t we hang out, or talk before!?”

It’s beyond our understanding why it didn’t happen before, but what we don’t realize is that there are greater forces at work here. There is a greater power in the universe that is aligning your life events in such a way that whilst you are dying and being reborn a new person everyday, it is waiting for you to have reached a certain place (mentally and spiritually over anything else) before it reveals the big one. And on the day that you are ready… for that encounter with a certain someone.. it happens.

A random hi, a small conversation.. and suddenly you’re intrigued. You want to know more, you want to go deeper, you do… and, to quote a cliche, your life isn’t the same again.

I have always had this one book on my bookshelf – Only Love Is Real by Dr Brian Weiss. A beautiful story about a man and woman, both his patients, both soul mates, both meeting each other when they were ready for the other. I remember reading it during my college years in Florida and trying desperately to see if I could make an appointment with the man! Haha. I was so naive. I didn’t really have any questions to ask then. I was just fascinated by the possibility of regressing into a past life and finding out when and in which lifetime I may have known certain people from my present day and life.

The whole soul mate, soul family, destined-to-meet, recognizing the special-ness in the other, all those things intrigue me till today. I always look for a higher reason between encounters and relationships that leave me with something.

A small excerpt from the book I found online that I think everybody should think about –

The person may recognize the chemistry. The attraction is definitely there, but the source of chemistry is not understood. It is delusional to believe that this passion, this soul recognition and attraction, will be easily found again in another person. You do not run into such a soulmate every day.

Never worry about meeting soulmates. Such meetings are a matter of destiny. They will occur. After the meeting, the freewill of both partners reigns. What decisions are made or not made are a matter of freewill, of choice. The less awakened will make the decisions based on the mind and all of it fears and prejudices. Unfortunately this often leads to heartache. The more awakened the couple is, the more the likelihood of a decision based on love. When both partners are awakened, ecstasy is within their grasp.


And so it was in the case of Menka and Nihal I guess. Free will… choice.. and they both chose from the heart, they took a decision based on love. And not the mind, and all it’s fears and doubts.

It’s difficult sometimes to reach deep down into this place of love. We’ve all been hurt and hit hard by our pasts. We’ve gone into our shells where we think we are safe and protected. We react to people and situations in rude and angry ways thinking we are protecting ourselves. But we’re not happy. Some of us insist “I’m ok” or “I’ll be fine”, but in reality, that’s far from the truth.

I haven’t read many other of Dr Weiss’ books but while looking for the above excerpt, I came across some lines from a book of his called “Tapping Into The Power of Love”. So of course I am intrigued and I want to run to the bookstore today to pick up a copy. But some very amazing thoughts I found from it:

“To see and appreciate the soul of others with whom you are in a relationship is a higher state of awareness. To see only their outer characteristics provides a limited and incomplete perspective. Their current personality, just like their current physical body, is a temporary manifestation. They have had many bodies and many personalities but only one enduring soul, only one continuous spiritual essence. See this essence and you will see the real person.” 
― Brian L. Weiss, Miracles Happen: The Transformational Healing Power of Past-Life Memories

“Come from the heart, the true heart, not the head. When in doubt, choose the heart. This does not mean to deny your own experiences and that which you have empirically learned through the years. It means to trust your self to integrate intuition and experience. There is a balance, a harmony to be nurtured, between the head and the heart. When the intuition rings clear and true, loving impulses are favored.” 
― Brian L. Weiss, Messages from the Masters: Tapping Into the Power of Love

“Forgive the past. It is over. Learn from it and let go. People are constantly changing and growing. Do not cling to a limited, disconnected, negative image of a person in the past. See that person now. Your relationship is always alive and changing.” 
― Brian L. Weiss, Messages from the Masters: Tapping Into the Power of Love


(Just going to take a moment to read all that again).



After that, I really don’t know how to end this post.



To hoping we can all live our lives and base our decisions from that place of love.

To hoping that we can tap into it even when circumstances are trying to force us to use the mind.

And to hoping that the free will that we have in this lifetime, we use it whilst coming from that place of awakening.


One can always hope.


Until next time.




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