Many posts ago, I had written about being real and being vulnerable.
And then today I came across this conversation between Juhi Chawla and Sadhguru, on unconditional love versus being a doormat.
While reading it I was thinking “oh my God, I’ve been through this…” And let me tell you, it’s been an incredible journey of self-discovery (and self-understanding) so far and it continues every single day. And as he says:
Human beings have physical, psychological, emotional, economic, social, and various other kinds of needs. Instead of making ugly transactions in the sense of “You give me this – I give you that,” we bring some aesthetics and beauty to it by coating it with a certain amount of sweetness of emotion which we call a love affair. As human beings, doing transactions in a basic way makes us feel ugly. If you take food with both your hands and eat it, it is ugly, isn’t it? We want to eat in a certain way.
Similarly, we have arrangements to fulfill our physical, emotional, and economic needs in a more aesthetic manner. I’m not saying this is right or wrong – this is a fact of life. For domestic purposes – for two people to live together, to fulfill their needs, to produce children, to raise them, a domestic level of love is enough. Not many people are capable or ready to have a kind of love affair that will make two lives into one and bring them to an ultimate union.
Two actually becoming one in experience needs something more. Most people are competent of using love to fulfill the domestic needs, but they are not ready to go beyond that. Both have to be ready. When one is ready and the other is not, or one is making an effort and the other doesn’t, it may feel like one is becoming a doormat, like one is being exploited. But one who is longing to become love as a way of ultimate union should not be bothered about becoming a doormat or whatever.
Exactly. A lot of it has to do with timing. When one is ready and the other is not.. its tragic. When both are ready… its magic. Wow. That actually rhymed. : )
What I have experienced is that it is just the being in love, and feeling like your channels are open again to that loving energy you had decided to block or keep away from you.. that feeling is in itself, liberating. What he says about falling being the actual beautiful part… not the taking or the receiving.. but just the falling.. that’s beautiful.
…if love crosses a certain level, and even if you just fall in love, you become vulnerable to someone. Without becoming vulnerable, there is no love affair. You have to fall. When you fall, someone may raise you or walk over you. The experience is beautiful because you fell.
So the experience of falling, the experience of becoming vulnerable, and of accepting that vulnerability with open arms… that is what makes one rise beyond thoughts like ‘becoming a doormat’, ‘being walked all over’, ‘I am giving more than receiving in this relationship’, and the need to play mind games. None of that matters. AT ALL. It only matter that you are in love, and you wish to see the person you are in love happy, always.
Sadly, a lot of people belittle this entire drama of a love affair in today’s day and age, to one that has to be fit into certain rules and ways of being. ‘In a relationship, things must happen like this or like that and in these quantities, and at these times.’ I’m sorry, but did you make just make these rules up? For my life? Um, no thanks.
And all those people who claim to have cast their life into ‘slots’ – this time for love, this time for parents, this time for children, this time for work – they are wasting their time. Because honestly, there is no classifying when it comes to love.
There is no “I will only spend quality time with my wife on the weekend” or “We will go out for dinner once a week” or “on our annivesary we will do a special getaway” or “i’ll spend time with my kids during their vacations”… this is all rubbish I think. You’re just missing the possibilities that any or every moment could bring you.
It is just us making an ugliness out of our lives by losing the beauty of spontaneity, and the joy of being in the here and now.
No one is ever talking about standing up in love or climbing in love or flying in love, because always, when what you consider as “myself” falls, a deep experience of love can happen within you. The beauty of your love affair was not in what they gave you or what they did to you. You sat alone and thought you really loved this person so much you were willing to die – that was the most beautiful moment. Not the moment they gave you a big gift, not the moment they gave you a diamond ring, not the moment they said this and that about you – No! You just sat there, willing to die – that was the moment.
Until next time – keep living the moment, keep loving and keep being awesome.